I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
