from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
