he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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