I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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