im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
