I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
