careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
