I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
