He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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