Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
