i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
