So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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