can u get pink eye on your cock?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
