oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
