Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
