awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
