Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
