When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
