I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
