Don't you send me to vm
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
