Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
