the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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