i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
vagina is talking i cant
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
