Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
