If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
