I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Green mimosas i think yes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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