ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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