I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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