I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
