Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
