i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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