Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
