I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
