How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
