It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
