dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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