If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
