Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
