why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
