I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
