The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
