I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
