he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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