Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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