Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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