he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
