Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
