you didnt know i had herpes?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
