he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
