But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
