That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
